He indeed, opened my eyes again this Sunday.
Since March, when I knew that a relationship was coming to an end- Satan took the opportunity to tell me of guilt, despair and worthlessness. There were indeed, series of discouragements came along in the past few months, and I succumbed.
God once again, pulled me back.
Fight, or flight. I chose to fight in the past and I knew I was wrong. This time, I chose to flight. My subconsciousness told me, if everything could go so wrong it might have been I misunderstood something of God. I freaked out, because it shook my values and my entire theological view about God. Satan tried to push me into a corner, that I told myself ‘if I say I don’t care no longer, it might be the way out.’. I gave up- in my heart-to find that tint of relief.
I forgot to stay and let God fight for me. God my dear Lord and Father, He thought of my plight and showered mercies on me. He opened my eyes to see His Hope again. In a corner, I thought of running away; He lifted me up instead. He changed hearts. He showed me His power of prayer. He showed me that He’s a God that listened to prayers- always and He never despised a single prayer. I gave up, He told me to carry on. I gave up, because I was afraid that I would lose Him and everything altogether. He showed me otherwise- He’s always with me.
That fear is so strong in my heart- from childhood. God gives extra mercies to show me how enduring and secure His love is, day by day.
The end of that relationship, pulled the trigger of despair.
”I will never forsake you, nor leave you.” He said. Once again, and again.
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deut 31:8
God told me in the flight simulator, ‘No, my daughter, my beloved daughter..you didn’t hear me wrong. Keep on going, and remember I am with you.’
There are so much comfort, that I need. My heart is contented, when I know He’s here.
There are much to read, and to prepare for the calling that He has put into my heart.
‘Don’t despise yourself my daughter, don’t despise the humble beginning. Don’t let failures take away your courage.’
The Cross before me, the world behind me. No turning back,
No turning back.
Christ, is enough for me.
I have decided, this time. Truly, not because of anyone, but Him only.