Scars of victories

woke up in the new year’s day morning, didn’t find anything too special or particular and i tried to read through what i typed to God about this another year, that i would like to learn.

God then spoke to me things that i couldn’t really imagine, again.

‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’ Isaiah 55:8-9.

i thought to gain in faith and to learn how to love would be my prayer for the new year. He asked me to listen to him about my own weaknesses, accept them and let them glorify Him. He answered my prayers right the way and showed me the how..

2 Cor 12:7-10

be healed my daughter, and help heal my people.

be loved my daughter, and love my people.

be enlightened to see my way, and show them to my people.

‘to be humble and magnify the glory of Christ.’

There is the first step. and God jumpstarted it for me in the previous October. i started to look into my past hurts and identify the lessons that God took me through those pains. i was just way too excited to move forward… just again and again tried to run before i could walk properly. God gave us some elements to glorify him in our lives, and that sometimes embedded in the past as some unwelcome traits, stories or experiences that we tried to shake them off. In order to live anew, instead of totally forgetting what happened, we actually should try to look at them in God’s perspective – seeing flaws as his mighty plan. This truly let God deliver us from the past into the newness. Denying the past is essentially denying God’s wisdom and plan for us, as Allender puts in some of his books. it is an escape mechanism if we try to deny and forget, if you are truly healed you can touch your scars and show them to others about how God won the battle for you.

Apart from hurts, there are weaknesses Piper put in this fabulous article for new years day. When God allows, it is for goodness and his glory. Dig God’s goodness out of the ugly out-coating of the weaknesses, and they are treasures which enable us to testify him in a powerful way. Whether you are an introvert, you are a slow-reader, you are no good in science and logic, you are emotional sometimes…etc.; You have something that will profoundly remind others something they cannot think of and impact on their lives in a mysterious way. Like one of my friends, she has a strong temper and speaks bluntly about everything. i benefited from her for her assertiveness and refreshing comments that no others would generously offer like her. i admire her for that and am thankful for her presence in my life. Every life is an inspiration that carries God’s attributes we don’t have inherently from our genes or background, and we grow by sharing our weaknesses as important as sharing our strengths. We have to be bold enough to be ourselves, no matter how ugly or how not the way we wanted ourselves to look like in front of others, to live out his glory and his plan for us. we often hope to be someone else, yet this is essentially a kind of coveting and reflecting our little faith in him.

I have to be reminded i’m that inspiration for others as well, so not to be afraid to face my own weakness and let them shine his glory. i have the common disease of all people with no exception, sometimes i just feel like my weaknesses might not be pretty in front of others’ eyes and i wanted to just deny them cowardly. Dig them up, and let them shine for his sake.

Here’s a very fascinating convo with my mother in the afternoon. she asked me ‘if God asks you to go to Mongolia, would you go?’ i said, if God specifically called you to go, yes you go. she asked again, ‘if God asks you to go to Germany, would you go?’ i said yes. she asked one more, ‘if your church will start weekday services, would you go?’ i said the same applies. i asked why she raised all those questions, she said she was a little embarrassed to raise her hand for a yes answer in the prayer meeting this morning at her home church because not many people raised theirs. she wanted to know my view and answer on that. i said to her, when God asks us to go, we go. she was relieved and said to me ‘that’s it right? if God asks us to go, He will give us the power and ability to go. so why not go and be afraid?’ Gosh, God was speaking to me through her..

i can say a go when God asked me to be a missionary. but eventhough i said go already when God asked me to face my own weaknesses, now sometimes i am still afraid. How ironic?

May God carry me through this amazing journey and let me be ever closer to Him and assemble Christ in this new year.

Be blessed and encouraged!

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