Today's church experience is another amazing, yet again unexpected one. I felt so weak these days spiritually. But God indeed every time speaks the loudest in the midst of my weakness. I can see Him so clearly.
I always wonder why God seems doesn't care about those who resist or ignore Him, especially the already Christians who has given Him up. Pastor Randy gave us a great analogy of that. He said, whenever there is God's action; there will be man's resistant action. Like the rocks in a river, they sorta block the way of the water flow. God is that water flow, which is non-stoppable. So, when the water encounter the rocks, it passes them by. It just flows around them.
That's how God treats those who resist Him.
I suddenly understood everything…like a thing troubled me for long has been solved, evaporated, gone. I suddenly realize, God has given me the grace that I am not as hard as those rocks, that He hasn't passed me by. I am so so so thankful for that. I can't believe that, the trouble I am facing right now, is actually what God pleases. I always felt like I failed Him, that's why I am going through all these hardship.
He filled my heart with Praise again. I feel close to Him again.
Pastor Randy furthered to talk about the 4 situations God will choose to pass us by. 1. We don't proactively seek Him. 2. We seek Him, but for the wrong reason. 3. We grieve the Holy Spirit. 4. We give up on standing on God's side.
1, 2 and 4 are obvious. But point 3 struck me at heart. Pastor Randy talked about the bitterness we have at our hearts grieves the Holy Spirit. that's a brilliant explanation of forgiveness – releasing of the bitterness. He said, especially we Chinese people who have the 'saving face' culture, we tend not to show that we are actually sad, upset or angry towards someone. But the bitterness just leaks out on our faces, our behaviours..etc.
I just told Chin Hwa I felt like so not me recently. God just shed light on me with the sermon. Yes, I am kinda sad about the non-Christian guy I went out with; that I just chose not to continue meeting him. I just tried to throw myself into my work AGAIN. That's how my bitterness leaks, all over the place. I just try to forget things by making myself working HARD and shut down my feelings. and while I am still thinking about the guy once in a while, God is grieving for me.
I played some very shit music these 2 months….honestly; I knew that's the problem; but I was powerless to fight with it. Today, it's in a while I haven't played the Keys at worship; GOD was holding my hands to the finish line…I can't believe that I could play like that….I felt Him again. And that feeling is so GREAT.
He brought my focus back to Himself.
I feel so good about it. Coz yes recently it is like a whirlpool that I was totally swept away. I felt TOTALLY powerless. But now, I feel like I can go back on track.
It is like everything I am doing has meaning again. I felt like empty.
''how He picked me up and turned me around.
how He set my feet, on the solid ground.''
that's exactly how I felt right now. I am on the solid ground again.
For everything I do; when I do it for Him, then everything has the perfect divine meaning.
I find the strength to endure the training I have to get through in order to reach the various destinations again.
''I will run to you, to your words of truth.
Not by might, not by power,
but by the Spirit of God.
Yes I will run the race, till I see your face. Let me live in the Glory of Your Grace.''
Gosh, this weekend it seemed like I have done so little, but actually I earned the most especially in these 2 months. God is AMAZING. I feel like I am so blessed. Coz He is taken care of me so well, that I couldn't even imagine.
''Coz when we see You, we find strength to face the day. In Your Presence, all our fears are washed away.''
Thank you GOD:)