Okay I have to admit that I am frigging scared. I haven't acknowledged my mixed feelings since I took up the new position at the Uni again. But God has assured me with His words again.
Ma has been going to Pastor Tong's sermons meet every Tue. He said something really hit me this week. 'There is no fear for us who are in God. If you have half of all is fear, then you only have half of the faith in God.' Before I took up this position, honestly I had no worries…'God will arrange and lead.' was what I said all the time. Now wth has happened to me?…the same day, He gave me a verse about trust.
'But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.' Jeremiah 17:7.
Even the devotion that day talked about Christ's temptation in the desert. It's all about the stuff I am worrying right now – God's provision and protection. Christ was so confident in God that He just didn't think about taking the Devil's suggestion. He wholeheartedly trusted that God would give Him what He needs, and God would protect Him from unnecessary challenges along His way. In this aspect….I am just so damn fragile when the devil strikes an attack….like right now.
The bright side is, I am going to need God's help – it will not be possible to do it on my own. I know that through this I am going to experience God's mightiness again.
I try to think as if this is another big leap in my spiritual growth.
I will have to face the idea of true relationship and fellowship with others. I will need to face my past and make peace with it.
I hope that I will remember life is about growth but also about having fun:)
I guess I have to tell myself to take it easy, everyday…..